Category: Recovery

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Love and Recovery: Navigating Romantic Relationships in Recovery

Individuals recovering from substance use disorder have an important need for human connection. Connecting with a broader social world helps them to feel more loved and less likely to return to substance use.

At the same time, emotionally intense social connections have the potential to cause problems. Navigating romantic relationships during recovery is a particularly tricky affair. Former substance users may find themselves more likely to relapse or become codependent.

It is suggested that people in recovery wait a full year before engaging in romantic relationships. This provides enough time to focus solely on their mental health and well-being while also learning how to deal with the emotional aspects of romance that can negatively impact the recovery journey.

After the first year, choosing to pursue a romantic connection can be a positive experience. But it should still be approached with caution. Former substance users should set reasonable boundaries with their new partners to help maintain their emotional stability.

The Dangers of Romantic Relationships During Recovery

Engaging in romantic behavior too early during the recovery process can lead to several potential problems.

The most common problem is using love as an escape or substitute for drugs or alcohol. Falling in love actually triggers some of the same reward circuitry in the brain that substances do. Many former users have fallen into the trap of simply substituting one for the other.

Romance during recovery can sometimes lead to codependency, an imbalanced relationship in which one member enables another’s self-destructive behavior. This is especially dangerous if that self-destructive behavior is a relapse into addiction.

Romance can sometimes become all-consuming, to the point at which people lose themselves and ignore their goals. During recovery, your primary objective should be to remember who you are, build self-esteem, and avoid relapsing. Romance between two individuals in early recovery can be challenging. 

The Importance of Emotional Stability and Boundaries

Extreme emotions–both positive and negative–are common triggers for relapsing. In many cases, addiction is often the result of trying to guard against such feelings in the first place.

This is why, especially in the first year of recovery, securing stable emotions without outside romantic influences is so important. Many of the tips below are designed to help with this.

Setting behavioral boundaries for yourself and potential partners is important to prevent triggering extreme emotions. This should not be done in a controlling way, however, because other people should feel free to live their own lives as they see fit. Nevertheless, letting a potential partner know how certain experiences might be potentially triggering will help both parties engage with each other in a safer way.

Tips for Dating in Recovery

Wait. It’s worth it. 

As mentioned previously, it’s best to experience a full year of recovery before engaging in romantic behavior once again. This is because risks are at their highest during that first year. 

After the first year, pursuing romance should typically be more manageable thanks to well-established boundaries, a better sense of self-worth, and the resolve that comes with having made it through an entire year without substances. 

Keep the main thing the main thing.

During recovery, your main goal should be recovery. Finding a partner is a perfectly acceptable goal once you are no longer suffering from acute substance use disorder. Also, remember to maintain daily habits and routines to improve your chances of success in recovery. Although a new relationship may be exciting, it’s still a good idea to stick to the behaviors that you know will keep you well.

Expect to be hurt. 

Rejection is a normal part of dating, but it is particularly dangerous during recovery. This is because rejection can trigger the same thoughts and feelings that in the past may have led to self-medication through the use of drugs or alcohol. Be prepared for the possibility of rejection so that if it happens, you have a strategy and won’t feel compelled to relapse.

Don’t forget: “People, Places, and Things”

There’s a reason clinicians recommend changing the people, places, and things in your life during early recovery: they’re triggers. When you do get back out there, avoid dating people you knew before you entered recovery. Not only might they remind you of your former addictive behaviors, they may also still be in the throes of substance use disorder themselves.

Set boundaries.

Be sure to set boundaries with any partner you may have, especially when it comes to behaviors or activities that may cause you to relapse. It is common for couples to get a drink together on a date. But if you’re in recovery, make sure to tell your date you cannot be around alcohol.

Be honest.

Be open and honest about your past and express your need for support during your recovery journey. It is better for a partner to know what you are going through, than to discover it too late. 

Beware of codependence. 

Create social ties beyond your romantic partner. Having a diversity of connections is important to social well-being and focusing too much attention on one person can be unhealthy and lead to codependence. In the event of a breakup, lean on your social support network to help you through the range of emotions. 

Love and Life After Recovery

Individuals recovering from substance use disorder face many challenges on their road to a better life. 

Among other things, they must balance their need for human connection with the pitfalls of rushing into intense emotional relationships too soon. Many people become involved with a romantic relationship too early, only to find themselves relapsing or involved in codependency.

In most cases, it is recommended to follow through with a full year of treatment before engaging in romantic behavior, and even then, those in recovery should be careful about who they choose to date.

Fortunately, many people do recover and find love and a happier life on the other side.

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The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance use disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living, or residential extended care programs. If you’re looking for help now, give us a call at 717-393-3215 or reach out to us today to get started.

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Mariah Milani: Putting the “FUN” in Fundraising for This Year’s ExtraGive

For Mariah Milani, the ExtraGive is special.

As an Intake Supervisor at The GateHouse, she understands the importance of Lancaster County Community Foundation’s annual Extraordinary Give (or “ExtraGive” as it has come to be known). It reminds her of the important services The GateHouse provides to the community – providing long-term after care recovery services, including residential extended care, transitional living, family support, and more.

“I love working for a nonprofit,” Mariah said. “I love being able to feel like I’m making a difference, and I feel good about the work I’m doing.”

A native of Phoenix, AZ, Mariah studied at Millersville University and graduated with a degree in psychology. She interned at The GateHouse and another local behavioral health service provider while still in school, but The GateHouse was her favorite. When, after graduation, she learned there was an opening for an intake coordinator, she jumped at the opportunity and worked her way to her current supervisory role.

And while she does have a passion for behavioral health services, something about raising money for her organization gets her excited. So excited, in fact, that for the last few years, she’s been among the top fundraisers for The GateHouse during the ExtraGive.

What gets her excited about it? And why is it so important to donate to The GateHouse during this day of giving?

“The ExtraGive impacts a lot of nonprofits in this area,” Mariah said. “And a lot of them are really great and give back to the community like we do. I think what makes The GateHouse special, though, is knowing that every bit of the money we raise from the event directly impacts our clients.”

In other words, the money doesn’t go into a general fund, where it is allocated administratively. The GateHouse ties its donations directly to the needs of its clients and the improvement of their lives. You can see this in action, right on our ExtraGive page.

“So, it can be anything from helping clients with transportation needs—to get a valid ID, go to work, or obtain a GED—to helping get extra food for the houses,” Mariah said. “Ultimately, when you give to The GateHouse you’re actually giving to our clients, which I think is great to know.”

Given the economic pinch many people are feeling these days, Mariah said she understands why people are being more selective about where they send their contributions this year.

“The cost of living for everyone is expensive right now, so we understand that it’s not always easy to be able to give back as much as people might hope,” she said. “At the same time, it’s important not to lose sight of what the holiday season is all about –giving back to your community as much as you can. And the ExtraGive is great for that because you can donate as little or as much as you can afford.”

The GateHouse is fortunate people understand the importance of the work done here, Mariah said. Every year, The GateHouse hears from people and organizations who help with non-monetary gifts.

“We recently had a real estate agent who was assisting with a home sale and the person selling their house had a lot of furniture to donate,” Mariah said. “The real estate agent had someone close to her who came through our program and so she thought of us. It was really special.”

Businesses, too, want to give back and do so by employing clients of The GateHouse, she said.

“We have a lot of employers close to our houses who work very closely with our clients and provide them with job opportunities and even make donations, which is awesome,” Mariah said. “This year is no different. Many businesses are matching ExtraGive donations as they come in, so when you give this year, companies are helping to stretch your contribution and make it count even more.”

It takes a lot to help people rebuild their lives after experiencing substance use disorder.

“A lot of the clients who come through our program need some help developing life skills,” she said. “They may have been in active addiction for most of their adult life and so this is all very new to them. Think about how much it would cost to rebuild your life and you’ll get an idea of how much it takes for us to help our clients get back on their feet.”

Donations do more than just provide food, transportation, and furniture, Mariah said – especially at this time of year.

“Even for someone who’s not in recovery, the holidays can be overwhelming at times,” she said. “For a lot of our clients, the holidays can be a source of trauma due to strained relationships with loved ones or not being able to be present with them. The little things truly make a big difference.”

What your donations really equate to, Mariah said, is hope.

“One of the coolest things these donations help with is our annual TurkeyThon event,” she said. “That’s sort of our Thanksgiving with our clients. It’s the Wednesday before the holiday and it’s a time for our clients, staff, and administrators to come together and express their gratitude for one another. It’s really awesome.”

Feeling the joy from our clients is “why I do what I do,” Mariah said. “It’s the most rewarding part of my job.”

As an intake supervisor, Mariah said she often sees people at their worst. But she also sees them at their best.

“I’ve seen people admit to us feeling hopeless or lost” she said. “They have their guard up and are not quick to trust the process or our staff. But then I talk to them after they’ve been through our program, and it’s like talking to a whole different person. Recently, I had a client call in because he was just finishing up one of our programs and he was tearing up on the phone. He was like, ‘Wow. This is amazing. Everything is working out how I hoped. I’ve been putting in a lot of hard work, I’ve been doing everything I need to do, and just to see it all come together—’ He couldn’t even finish.”

And that’s where your contributions go, Mariah said. Directly to helping people rebuild their lives.

“It’s not always easy, and it’s not always pretty, but it’s always worth it,” she said. “Always.”

***

Please visit our Extraordinary Give page on Friday, November 17, and make a contribution. We value and appreciate your support. If you’re looking for help now, give us a call at 717-393-3215 or contact us to get started.

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The GateHouse Turns 50: Remembering Recovery Program Supervisor Janice Potter

In December 2022, The GateHouse celebrated its 50th year of offering people a meaningful path to recovery. As part of this celebration, we are spotlighting prominent staff, leaders, and alumni and sharing their stories of their time at The GateHouse.

This month, we’re putting a spotlight on the late Janice Potter, a beloved Recovery Program Supervisor and one-time resident of The GateHouse, who passed away in 2022.

A Free and Compassionate Spirit

Before she became part of the team at The GateHouse, Janice Potter was a resident here. One of her best friends, Irene Mouchlizis, vividly remembers her arrival in 2000.

“She was a hot mess,” Irene said with a chuckle. “She was always fun … just a bit all over the place. She struggled to pay attention and had difficulty controlling impulsive behaviors, both of which made it difficult for her to focus on any one task.”

Despite this challenge, Janice displayed courage and determination through her early recovery.

“She worked really hard on being a better version of herself,” Irene said. “She knew that we are always a work in progress, so she never thought that she had reached a point where she had ‘arrived.’ She knew there was always more work to be done.”

Due to an unfortunate false positive on a drug test caused by an approved medication, Janice was let go from The GateHouse program a month early despite being clean. After her discharge, she was loathe to return to her hometown out of fear of getting caught up with her old crowd, so she moved in with Irene.

“Janice was just the type of person that you just felt comfortable to be yourself with,” Irene said. “She wasn’t judgmental; she was accepting of everyone, and she never held a grudge. She would help anyone in need however she could.”

As roommates, the two formed a tight bond.

“We called each other sisters,” Irene said. “She was my other half.”

A Selfless Life and a Lasting Legacy

Despite her early release from the program, Janice returned to The GateHouse several years later—this time as an employee and mentor. Having found a sense of inner peace thanks to the work she had done in recovery, she was better able to assist others on their own recovery journeys.

“Every year in recovery brought an increased self-awareness and the changes that come along with that,” Irene said. “Her faith became a big focus of her life.”

Jodi O’Reilly, who now serves as executive director of The GateHouse, said Janice was in a much different place when she returned: equally free-spirited, but much more grounded.

“This is something she really cultivated in recovery,” Jodi said. “She did a lot of work on herself in preparation to serve others.”

Janice felt drawn to The GateHouse, Jodi said, because of how much the program had helped her and Irene. Janice also knew her words could empower people during their recovery journey and was eager to offer a space of no judgment. She eventually worked her way up to Recovery Program Supervisor, Jodi said.

“She treated everyone with the same dignity, respect, tenderness, and empathy,” Jodi said, recalling Janice’s immense impact on women in recovery. “She was an advocate for every woman at The GateHouse and spoke the truth, even when it was tough.”

No matter how difficult the client, Jodi said Janice always approached them from a place of compassion. She recognized how crucial this was to eradicate the shame held by so many residents entering the program.

“These are wounded women,” Janice would often say. “They deserve a chance to be understood.”

“Every training we sent her to, she was the best in the room,” Jodi recalled. “I’ve never run into an employee who is optimistic in every situation. Most folks struggle at some point, but Janice never wavered.”

A Life Defined by Commitment, Community, and Character

Janice wanted to give back what was given to her and help others enjoy the freedom that recovery brings, Irene said.

The tragic personal losses she had suffered in life – her mother and sister both dying of cancer and her brother being taken by a heart attack – compelled her to create her own chosen family, which included her surviving sister. Janice’s infectious enthusiasm, her carefree spirit, and her zest for life naturally attracted people to her, Irene and Jodi said.

“She was 40, but she acted like she was 22,” Irene said. “Even in her 50s, she was the same fun-loving person. She loved to see people smile. She had a way of making you forget about your troubles and learn to laugh.”

Throughout her life, Janice remained close to the people she connected with, including Irene’s children, with whom she would often visit, spend time, and post TikTok videos.

“It was hard not to consider her a part of your family,” Irene said.

Janice cultivated her close-knit network by regularly attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings and events, another touch point that connected her with others in recovery.

“Connection was her lifeline,” Irene said. “She got so much joy out of watching people ‘grow up’ in recovery and start to live better lives. She was always available to anyone in need, whether it was via text, a phone call, or in person. It didn’t matter the time of day; she was there if you needed her.”

The Lessons Janice Left

If there are any lessons Janice left behind, it would be her compassion and her deep reverence for every human being. She created a safe space for everyone to be seen, heard, and understood. It may sound simple, but her capacity for empathy had a profound effect on the people around her and it truly changed people’s lives.

The inner peace and sense of faith Janice had found in recovery stayed with her even in her final moments.

“She had found peace with God,” Irene said. “Even in the last months of her life, there was no fear. She knew that God was by her side.”

The example she set and the way she lived her life impacted many people at The GateHouse and beyond, Jodi and Irene said.

“Her legacy will continue to live on,” Jodi said. “She was a light in everybody’s life.”

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The GateHouse Turns 50: An Anniversary Story Featuring Judy Bohner

In December 2022, The GateHouse celebrated its 50th year of offering people a meaningful path to recovery. As part of this celebration, we are spotlighting prominent staff, leaders, and alumni and sharing their stories of their time at The GateHouse.

This month, we’re featuring Judy Bohner, a former resident at The GateHouse who is celebrating 33 years of recovery this month.

Judy Came to The GateHouse Later in Life

Judy Bohner arrived at The GateHouse when she was 46 years old.

While she was certainly not old in a big-picture sense, she was entering the program later in life than most residents.

“I came with a long history of drinking and drug use,” she said. “Nearly 32 years.”

Judy had also already experienced many of life’s milestones, including becoming a parent and being married multiple times. She believed this life experience set her apart, and thus was skeptical of her fellow residents.

“I was going to show everyone how to do this,” she said.

She soon realized, however, that her hubris was keeping her from doing the actual work. When she was encouraged to actually look at herself and her own patterns, she began to recognize that perhaps she was not so above other people’s struggles.

“I had to look at myself honestly,” Judy said. “I started to see that everything I thought other people were doing wrong … I was actually doing myself.”

Bruce Caldwell Held Her Accountable

It was a former Executive Director of The GateHouse, Bruce Caldwell, who wound up playing a pivotal role in Judy’s recovery.

“He is the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said. “He believed in me while also calling me out on my stuff.”

For example, Judy came to The GateHouse with a history of false check scams. When she applied for a job during her time at The GateHouse, Bruce Caldwell called the employer and told them she would be a good hire, but to also keep an eye on her when it came to finances. It was this honest advocacy intertwined with strict accountability for her past actions that made a big difference in her life.

Judy got the job and wound up working there for 12 years.

The bond between the two continued well after Judy graduated from The GateHouse. She even became friends with Bruce’s wife. When Judy celebrated five years of sobriety, Bruce offered her a position on The GateHouse board.

“At a certain point, most people had written me off,” Judy said. “Not Bruce. Bruce became my family.”

The GateHouse Taught Judy How to Build a Life for Herself

Judy’s biggest takeaway from her time at The GateHouse is the independence she gained. She not only learned to be independent from drugs and alcohol, but also to build a life on her own.

“The GateHouse made me grow up,” she said.

When she first arrived, Judy was practically estranged from her family and had had multiple failed marriages. Her substance use disorder left her without a strong community or a sense of purpose. The consequences of this went well beyond her own situation.

“My children did not grow up with a real parent in their household,” Judy said.

Yet through her work at The GateHouse, Judy was able to start over.

“At 46, I learned to be responsible for myself,” she said. “I got both a job and an apartment.”

One of Judy’s most profound memories of her early recovery journey is the night before she left the program. That evening, her father passed away and her counselors at The GateHouse allowed her to go visit him one last time. Judy recalled how healing it was to see him.

“He had written me off a long time ago,” she said, “but now, he could pass peacefully because he knew that I was going to be okay.”

After leaving the GateHouse, Judy remarried but her husband soon passed away. She has now been a widow for 15 years and the independence she cultivated during recovery has been crucial to her building a fulfilling life on her own.

Today, Judy plays an active role in the Alcoholics Anonymous community and has served as a sponsor for 26 years.

“My AA home group has become my chosen family,” she said. And on May 28, Judy will be celebrating 33 years of sobriety with her chosen family.

Now 79 and living in Ocean City, MD, Judy said she is living her best life.

What’s the secret? Something she said she learned at The GateHouse.

“A sense of humor,” she said. “I learned to not take myself so seriously.”

***

The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited addiction recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance abuse disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living conditions, or resident treatment programs. Reach out to us today!

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The GateHouse Turns 50: an Anniversary Story with Dan Schultz

In December 2022, The GateHouse celebrated its 50th year of offering people a meaningful path to recovery. As part of this celebration, we are spotlighting prominent staff, leaders, and alumni and sharing their stories of their time at The GateHouse.

When Dan Schultz first came to The GateHouse, he was broken.

“My bottom led me to a straitjacket in a hospital,” he said. “I arrived at The GateHouse a defeated individual … alcohol had defeated me”.

With the help and guidance of The GateHouse and its team, Dan’s recovery journey would take him from the depths of despair to the promise of a meaningful life. Now a veteran alumnus of the program, Dan continues to see this promise fulfilled by giving back to the recovery community in every way he can.

This is his story.

Dan Arrived at The GateHouse Looking for Change

On May 6, 1982, Dan Schultz crossed the threshold of The GateHouse and embarked on his journey through recovery.

At 34, he was searching for a way to transform his life. Alcohol, his substance of choice, had riddled him with personal issues, legal troubles, and a complete lack of structure and stability.

His first stop was the Caron Foundation in Wernersville, PA, where he completed rehab. The Foundation recommended The GateHouse. In 1982, the typical program stay at The GateHouse was about 90 days, but Bruce Caldwell, the executive director of the organization at the time, made an exception for Dan. Dan had pending court dates for a series of DWIs back in his hometown of Rochester, NY, and needed the time to move through the process before he could fully settle into his recovery plan.

On November 11, 1982, a Rochester court sentenced Dan to 60 days in county jail. After doing his time and serving his sentence, Dan returned to The GateHouse, the best place he believed for him to transition back into a sober community post-incarceration.

“I felt safe there,” Dan said. “I knew if I stayed in Rochester, I would have never stayed sober.”

The Foundation for A New Way of Life

The GateHouse provided Dan with a completely new way of living his life.

“I was given a sense of structure,” he said.

Part of that structure was attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings regularly. This offered Dan access to the recovery community he was so sorely needing.

In AA, he became acquainted with the concept of “People, Places, and Things,” a general idea that stresses the importance of recognizing the “people, places, and things” that are typically the drivers of alcohol and drug cravings and replacing them with something else. With The GateHouse, he had the opportunity to do just that.

“I had never lived with 18 men before,” he chuckled, remembering the sober group outings that were part of the program. “They gave us the opportunity to feel somewhat normal … to learn that it’s possible to live without alcohol.”

Another part of Dan’s recovery structure was his relationship with his counselor, Rick Reed. The two men were close in age and thus held a certain kinship in common. Dan could relate to Rick.

“He helped me realize that your mind is a very very complex thing,” he said. “But also, that things weren’t always as earth-shattering as I thought them to be.”

Counseling sessions at The GateHouse gave Dan the opportunity to really look inward and begin the journey of rebuilding his self-esteem. Eventually, he rediscovered religion, brought it back into his life, and started mending relationships within his family.

Next up was repairing his sense of responsibility and purpose. During his time at The GateHouse, he found meaningful work in maintenance in the local community. Throughout his time at The GateHouse, his job gave him a sense of stability; so much so that he remained with the company long after his exit from the program, ascending to the management level, where he remained until his retirement in 2016.

“Keep It Simple”

Community. Structure. Self-respect. These are the tools Dan was given at The GateHouse. These are the tools that have helped him sustain his recovery since he left. A year ago this month, he celebrated 40 years sober.

From that first broken day in 1982, Dan has come a long way, having built a meaningful life for himself. In 1987, he remarried and became the parent of two stepchildren. He’s also a grandfather to five grandsons, who he says are “a real blessing and a wonderful reward of sobriety.”

He’s never too far from The GateHouse, either. He is literally a 15-minute walk away. And he remains very involved in the recovery community. He speaks regularly with groups in the senior recovery program at the Caron Foundation. He also serves on the board of the 521 Club, a non-profit recovery community organization in Lancaster.

“I try to give back to the community,” Dan said. “I try to help them when I can.”

Asked to pinpoint what most helps him maintain his recovery, he says it’s all about keeping it simple.

“I want to be sober more than I want to drink,” Dan said. “I want the life I have today. In early sobriety, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed. Keep it simple. Don’t drink. Go to meetings.”

It’s the meetings, Dan said, where people are reminded that they’re not alone in their journey.

“If you keep going long enough,” he said, “you’re going to hear your story from someone else.”

***

The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited addiction recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance abuse disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living conditions, or resident treatment programs. Reach out to us today!

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The GateHouse Turns 50: a Spotlight on GateHouse Founding Member, Jere Stabley

This year, The GateHouse is celebrating its 50th year of offering people a meaningful path to recovery. As part of this celebration, we want to spotlight prominent community members who have played an integral part in making The Gatehouse what it is today.

Jere Stabley, one of the original founding members of The GateHouse, was one of the key players whose hard work and dedication helped lay the foundation for what The GateHouse is today.

The GateHouse Had Humble Beginnings

Now a staple in the Eastern Pennsylvania recovery community, the GateHouse had modest beginnings. It began in 1971 when a group of friends recognized the need for a halfway house in Lancaster. Before The GateHouse, the area didn’t have a place for people to go after rehab where they could receive support as they rebuilt their life in sobriety.

Jere Stabley – now 95 years old and 53 years sober – was part of that group of friends. He met many of his fellow GateHouse co-founders when he arrived at Alcoholics Anonymous in 1969.

In reflecting on the start of the program, he recalls how “there were no facilities in Lancaster for detox. We had individuals coming from all different programs, but nowhere to go after getting sober.” And thus, the idea for The GateHouse was born.

He said he remembers searching for the perfect place for the new halfway house like it was yesterday. The team initially looked at some properties south of Lancaster, but the streets were too busy and too noisy. That’s when they landed on a house in Lititz, PA.

Funding for the house initially came from the Lancaster County Office of the National Council on Alcoholism, but much of the initial handy work was done by Jere Stabley and other founding members.

“The house needed a lot of work,” Jere said. “It needed to be cleaned, painted, and the floors had to be redone.”

The group would go on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and all-day Saturday for about five months until the house was complete.

“It was good therapy for all of us to work together,” Jere said. “It felt good to give something back to the community after taking so much.”

The First Years Were A Community Effort

The GateHouse admitted its first official resident in December 1972. Much like its founding, the first years were a community effort. Jere Stabley recalls the founding members taking turns serving as program director on the weekends.

“It was our responsibility to make sure everyone had something to eat, get to know them, and be a good listener,” Jere said. “We’d often take people to appointments, interviews, or to run errands in our own private vehicles.”

During this time, weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings were also established at The GateHouse.

The guiding principle for these beginning years was simply to provide a space for those in recovery to get together and converse.

“We wanted The GateHouse to be somewhere people could take it one day at a time,” Jere said.

He said anyone was welcome; the only rule was that you had to leave if you picked up any drugs or alcohol. Jere emphasized the importance of encouraging others to “not take that first drink.” He envisioned TGH as a place where individuals could meaningfully rebuild their lives.

The GateHouse: 1978 and Onward

For a brief moment, The GateHouse shut down in April 1978 due to competition from other halfway houses in nearby counties. This was quickly rectified, however, when the Halfway Environment for Alcoholics Recovering (H.E.A.R Inc.) was created.

In March 1979, The GateHouse reopened under H.E.A.R. Inc. and admitted its first resident. The GateHouse continued to grow by opening The GateHouse for Women and establishing an outpatient program.

Even as The GateHouse continues to expand its robust programming, it maintains the simple, yet profound values of its founding members: to provide community and support for individuals in recovery. As Jere reiterates, “It’s all about taking it one day at a time. Without Alcoholics Anonymous and The GateHouse, I wouldn’t be here.”

The community remains the bedrock of The GateHouse to this day, and its continued legacy of offering people a path to recovery remains as important as ever.

—

The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited addiction recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance abuse disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living conditions, or residential treatment programs. Reach out to us today!

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The GateHouse Turns 50: an Anniversary Story with Denyse Glover

As The GateHouse celebrates its 50th year of offering people a meaningful path to recovery, we’re highlighting the experiences of a few of our alums and sharing some of their stories.

This month, we’re featuring Denyse Glover, a former resident at The GateHouse who’s celebrating 20 years of recovery.

Denyse Glover Arrived at The GateHouse at a Crucial Turning Point 

After being clean for 14 years, Denyse relapsed and found herself at The GateHouse for women. She came determined to do things differently this time.  

“I didn’t want to go 14 years again and use,” Denyse said. “I felt like I owed that to myself.” 

Today, Denyse is very open about the fact that her time at The GateHouse wasn’t always easy.

 “I think that had to do a lot with my steel rebellion,” she said.  “Up until that point, it was difficult for me to cope with life’s ups and downs. I couldn’t handle my emotions and believed I was going to die if I felt some of the things I needed to feel.” 

She also wasn’t entirely sold on attending AA and NA meetings — staples of The GateHouse’s 12-step recovery program — and it was initially difficult for her to relate to the experiences being shared by others in her group. 

“I wasn’t the nicest client at first,” she said with a chuckle.

A GateHouse Counselor Helped Bring Her Wall Down

Despite her rocky start, Denyse slowly began to accept The GateHouse community. She credits one person, in particular, with helping her get past her early resistance — her GateHouse counselor. 

Not that it was always smooth sailing. As a black woman, Denyse was initially suspicious of her counselor, who was white. But with time, this hesitancy faded. As it became clear how deeply her counselor cared for her as a person, they built a meaningful relationship based on trust and understanding.

Denyse tells the story of a particular Saturday at The GateHouse with her counselor. When Denyse felt stuck, or “jammed up,” as she describes it, she would blow up balloons and then let the air escape. Watching the balloon release this air was therapeutic for her. 

On this day, however, a GateHouse staff member began complaining that Denyse’s “balloon therapy” was making a mess. That’s when her counselor stepped in.

Denyse’s counselor told the staff member to let her continue to use the balloons, assuring them that Denyse would keep the space clean.

 “She allowed me to make mistakes which brought my wall down,” Denyse explains.  

Denyse’s relationship with her counselor continued even after Denyse left The GateHouse, and she remained in touch with her until her passing.

 “I loved her, and I knew she loved me unconditionally,” Denyse said. “I felt so sad that the fellowship and the recovery community lost a good one. That was a heavy loss for me.”  

A Restored Sense of Humanity 

Beyond the relationship with her counselor, Denyse emphasized how The GateHouse program provided her with a critical sense of ownership in her recovery process. During her time at The GateHouse, Denyse focused on developing a more effective decision-making process and learning how to ask for what she needed. This became a crucial part of her ongoing recovery.

 “It wasn’t just about staying clean. It was about learning how to live, learning how to rely on others, and asking for what I needed,” Denyse said.

As an example, Denyse recalled a day at The GateHouse when she had trouble recalling words during a meeting. Years of substance abuse had made it difficult for her to remember words and phrases. She knew she needed a dictionary to help expand her vocabulary again, so she asked for one. While it may sound like a simple request, it’s one she would not have made prior to her time at The GateHouse. 

“They allowed me to go down to the local K-Mart and get a dictionary,” she said. “I still have that dictionary today. I don’t know if I had been anywhere else if I would have been able to ask for this.” 

Denyse says that experiences like these helped restore a sense of humanity within her. “They allowed me to be me,” she explained. 

A Life-Long Recovery Community

Denyse credits The GateHouse with giving her the foundation to sustain recovery, and she remains in touch with many people she met during her time here.  

“So many different people helped me grow,” she says. “These are people who have become family.” 

In addition to the relationships, the tools she learned helped her reconnect with other individuals in her life, like her daughter. She says recovery has helped her gain perspective on how to build and maintain relationships with people in her life, even the not-so-easy ones. 

When asked about the most important skills she learned at The GateHouse, Denyse was quick to answer: “Love, stability, expansion, and acceptability. The sky’s the limit. Just one day at a time.” 

—

The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited substance recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance abuse disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living conditions, or residential treatment programs. Reach out to us today!

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The GateHouse Turns 50: an Anniversary Story with Robin Skiles

As The GateHouse celebrates its 50th year of helping people find their path to recovery, it’s only fitting that we shine a light on the many individuals credited with building and strengthening the organization that has helped to reshape so many lives.

To that end, we begin with Robin Skiles, former Executive Director of The GateHouse, along with a remembrance of his mentor and predecessor, the late Bruce Caldwell.

Robin Skiles Moved His Way Up from Resident to Executive Director of The GateHouse

Robin Skiles first came to The GateHouse in 1982 as a resident. After leaving residential treatment and reconnecting with his community, he found his way back to The GateHouse as a counselor helping those working towards their own recovery journey.

He kept serving clients and gradually worked his way up to the Executive Director role. During his tenure, Robin developed programs and policies, ran the day-to-day operations, and participated in fundraising efforts until his retirement in 2014.

“Throughout the years, I saw how The GateHouse earned its reputation for success,” Robin said. “We were well respected in the surrounding area and in the recovery community because of our team’s great work and the difference we were making in our clients’ lives.”

The GateHouse also earned respect for its focus on giving back, getting involved, and building relationships.

“We did a Christmas party each year for underprivileged children,” Robin said. “We helped with community projects—efforts to clean up the community, for example, and other programs. Wherever we could contribute. I think those relationships and our involvement with the community played a big part in making the program what it is today.”

Robin dedicated his career to The GateHouse not only because the organization taught him how to live life in recovery, but because it allowed him to build and sustain a career with the purpose of helping others.

In particular, he considers The GateHouse’s staff development program a contributing factor to his own success in recovery and in life.

“While I was an employee at The GateHouse, I earned my master’s degree with tuition reimbursement as a part of the staff development program,” Robin said. “I also got my counselor’s license. Both had a big impact on me professionally, and I know the program has done the same for others as well.”

Mentor, Leader, and the Face of The GateHouse for Two Decades: Bruce Caldwell

Mentorship is a powerful tool for supporting and encouraging others. This is especially true in recovery. For anyone beginning their recovery journey, the best mentors are those who’ve experienced their own struggles with substance abuse and managed to find their way to recovery and, ultimately, a better life.

Bruce Caldwell was this type of mentor to Robin Skiles—and to countless others as well. Bruce directly preceded him in the Executive Director role at The GateHouse and went on to serve as Robin’s mentor in both work and life.

After his own battle with substance abuse disorder and recovery, Bruce joined The GateHouse as an entry-level resident manager and eventually advanced to the role of Executive Director. Bruce died in December 2016, leaving behind a 23-year legacy with The GateHouse and the recovery community.

“Bruce was The GateHouse,” Robin said. “He was known throughout the state as a leader in the drug and alcohol treatment field. He always asked everyone around him, ‘Are you all right?’ He was a big personality and just a caring, down-to-earth guy.”

50 Years of Dedication to The GateHouse’s Clients and Our Community

The strong foundation that Robin, Bruce, and other members of our team and community have cemented over the past five decades is why we have the privilege of serving families, individuals, and our community for the past 50 years. It has been an incredible journey. With the foundation these men created, we believe we will stay in a position to continue to help individuals and families find recovery. We are honored to carry and continue their legacy and vision.

 

The GateHouse is Central Pennsylvania’s leader in accredited addiction recovery care, recognizing the unique challenges individuals face on their journey to recovery. For 50 years, we have helped individuals in our community restore their lives and rediscover the strength of the human spirit.

We provide each client with a support system that helps them break the cycle of substance abuse disorder and put them on the path to recovery. The GateHouse is here for you, whether you need outpatient support, transitional living conditions, or residential treatment programs. Reach out to us today!

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Celebrate 50 Years of The GateHouse During the 2022 Extra Give


Half a Century of Restoring the Human Spirt Through Recovery in Lancaster County

Next month, The GateHouse celebrates 50 years of service. This isn’t just a celebration of the great work done by our passionate team or the strength of our clients in recovery; it’s a celebration of the support of our dedicated community for five decades.

This year’s Extra Give is a special one for us; it marks the beginning of our anniversary celebration and is a reminder of why your support is so vital to the success and wellbeing of our clients in recovery.

We hope you’ll consider giving to The GateHouse on November 18. We couldn’t do what we do without your generosity, including providing the day-to-day services our clients rely upon.

Funds Raised for The GateHouse During the Extra Give Support Services from Transportation to Housing

The money raised during the Extra Give is put to use in direct, tangible ways. For instance, by becoming a Neighbor Donor with a $50 donation, you’ll provide one month of public transportation for clients so they can travel to work or visit family members.

Becoming a GateHouse donor at various levels helps us move closer to our mission. Other donor levels include:

  • Peer, $100 Donation – provides three clients with photo ID cards for employment
  • Friend, $250 Donation – helps two clients obtain their GED
  • Supporter, $500 Donation – provides transitional housing for one month
  • Ally, $1,000 Donation – provides a food bank order for one month
  • Advocate, $2,500 Donation – furnishes a client bedroom

“When you make a donation to The GateHouse during the Extraordinary Give, you’re helping to provide our clients with the essentials they need to begin and/or continue their recovery journey,” said Jodi O’Reilly, Executive Director of The GateHouse. “You’re making it possible for them to maintain employment, live healthy lives, and ultimately, give back to our community.”

By Giving Extra on November 18, You’re Empowering Our Clients to Give Back Tomorrow

Support given during this year’s Extra Give comes full circle as our clients begin their recovery journeys and start giving back to the local community.

“It doesn’t take long for the support our community gives to clients of The GateHouse to be paid back many times over,” Jodi said. “Our clients retain employment and volunteer in local initiatives. They’re invested in their own recovery and often serve as sponsors for others. And they’re dedicated to paying forward the support they received in their time of need.”

Give Extra to The GateHouse During the 2022 Extraordinary Give

We hope you’ll consider supporting The GateHouse and our clients during this year’s Extraordinary Give.

To give to The GateHouse, visit our Extra Give giving page and make your donation.

We appreciate your generosity during the Extra Give and all year round as we fulfill our mission of restoring the human spirit through recovery.

 

Thanks to Our Matching Donor Sponsors!

A special thanks to these generous sponsors who will make matching donations on the day of The Extraordinary Give. Help them reach their goals by clicking below to make your own donation on the day of the Extra Give!
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How The GateHouse Utilizes the 12-Step Program in Recovery Treatment

There’s so much that goes into recovery treatment at The GateHouse.

From our compassionate staff and counselors to our beautiful residential extended care homes to the solemnity of our newly unveiled Serenity Gardens, our goal is to build a community that supports our clients as they embark on their recovery journey.

And serving as the foundation for that journey is The GateHouse’s unique approach to the 12-Step Program.

For many treatment programs focused on recovery from substance use disorder, 12-step programs are a critical key to success. In general, these sequential programs are designed to not only help individuals overcome substance abuse but also sustain their sobriety and lead a healthy life in recovery.

Most often, the 12 steps are grounded in a submission to a higher power, whether that be God or other types of spirituality.

At The GateHouse, our 12-step program serves as a core element for the personalized recovery treatment our clients receive from us. Each step moves them closer to living life in recovery. Here’s how we utilize these important steps.

The GateHouse Guides Clients Through Steps 1, 2, and 3 of the 12-Step Program

The GateHouse borrows its 12-step program from Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Not only are both programs well-known and trusted by the broader recovery community, but their investment in restoring the human spirit through comprehensive treatment aligns with the mission of The GateHouse.

The first three steps of the 12-step program are core components of The GateHouse’s Residential Extended Care (REC) program. When embarking on the first step, clients attend 12-step program meetings with The GateHouse’s counselors and receive plenty of direction and encouragement. The counselors also help clients establish outside support, including finding a sponsor and other support systems within the broader 12-step community.

While treatment is always tailored to our client’s needs and what can help them most in recovery, the 12-step program is the guiding light of a client’s stay in residential extended care. Here’s what a typical 12-step program looks like at The GateHouse.

The First Step

“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

~ Alcoholics Anonymous Step 1

Treatment in step one focuses on unpacking what individuals feel powerless over. During this step, individuals are encouraged to reflect on when their life became unmanageable and what toxic behaviors, such as blacking out or becoming enraged, interfered in their day-to-day lives. Clients and staff use worksheets designed to facilitate this crucial first step in the program.

Step one is an opportunity to gain insight into how the client’s behaviors resulted in the undesired outcomes that led to their recovery, such as putting one’s kids in danger or compromising personal values.

The ultimate goal of step one is gaining self-awareness.

The Second Step

“We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

~ Alcoholics Anonymous Step 2

In step two, the focus shifts to creating a belief system and instilling faith in a higher power.

Once again, this higher power can be God, nature, or any other type of spiritual connection. The goal is to establish a belief system that can help with distorted thinking and promote internal growth.

At The GateHouse, when clients enter step two, they also gain more independence. Clients are given permission to attend 12-step meetings with their sponsor and even schedule off-site activities with them, such as grabbing lunch or coffee.

The Third Step

“We made a decision to turn our will and our lives to the care of God as we understood Him.”

~ Alcoholics Anonymous Step 3

As clients move into step three, they begin to plan for their recovery journey once they leave The GateHouse.

Step three focuses on surrendering to a higher power and “radical acceptance.” It’s geared towards achieving peace of mind as clients make decisions about where life will take them next. In this phase, clients are given even more agency regarding communication with their 12-step sponsor.

At this point, it’s important for clients to get a sense of how they will remain committed to 12-step recovery once they leave The GateHouse.

Building a Community and Establishing a Support System is Key During these First Three Steps

As Tara Drury, Clinical Director at The GateHouse’s Marietta Residential Treatment Center, explains, “We want clients to start to build a support system while they’re here so they can form a foundation for recovery. That way, when they’re discharged, they can take the tools they’ve acquired during the first three steps of the program and apply them.”

Finding the right sponsor and support group is key to success in the program, and The GateHouse can help guide individuals towards the right fellowship.

“At The GateHouse, we support and encourage our clients to become active in the 12-step community,” Tara said. “It’s those relationships that will help them stay on the path to long-term recovery well after they leave The GateHouse.”

The GateHouse’s 12-Step Program Helps Clients Find Their Way to Lifelong Recovery

Healing from substance use disorder takes inner strength—something our programs help to instill.

“Our 12-step program helps each client not only get onto a path to recovery but also grow as an individual as they overcome their past behaviors,” Tara said. “When our clients accept and surrender to a higher power, they develop the peace of mind and strength they need to live a healthy, happy life in recovery.”

At The GateHouse, we create a support system for each of our clients to break the cycle of addiction and get them on a path to recovery, including services for long-term recovery with locations throughout Lancaster County, PA. We’d love to help you with your next step in recovery. Reach out to us today!

 

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